What is fear? As a child, I was terrified of the dark, but I honestly think it was because my two older sisters, Lucia and Pat, would scare me at night with stories about La Llorona. La Llorona, a young woman who wandered wailing for the children she drowned in the river nearby. I never understood why she would drown her children and then cry about it, I just knew I didn’t want her to drown me.
I’ve known the fear of being a dare devil and taking chances with my life on rivers, mountains or the speed of a bicycle, car or motorcycle. I love the excitement of those risks and the fear. I’ve spent my life taking care of myself with whole foods and exercise. My type A personality may have added unneeded stress, but it allowed me to accomplish much in my life. So how did I get here, to this place of such fear?
Fear. I am fearful now and it’s not the same as that adrenaline rush of maxing out the needle on my 125 cc fire engine red scooter. In this case, I have no choice about this path I’m on. I’m fearful of the pain and the change in the quality of my life. I’m fearful of the unknown and maybe that is what fear is, fear of the unknown.
